sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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