I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
