I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
