New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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