Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize