I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
