he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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