you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
two words...techno handjob
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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