Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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