You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
