Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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