BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
