I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
