His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm at about main and main street
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
