how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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