the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
