If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
