She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
