I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
