2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
