so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
