My cat gives me a boner
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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