peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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