I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
