Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
