omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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