I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
