somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
