Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
