their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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