i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
