There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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