I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
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it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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