Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
