I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
worst night to have a conscience
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh god it's open bar.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
