you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
