In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
