I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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