your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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