She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
