help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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