so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
