Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
