College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
