Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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