Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
