You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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