i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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