I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
