Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
