I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
