i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
