ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
