hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
