my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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