I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
