Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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