They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
