I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
