fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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