East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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