evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
